Is there someone you need to speak to, not about, but to?
What if that phone call became a spiritual practice?
Welcome to Human Is a Verb, a podcast about practicing the sacred work of being human.
I'm your host, Julene Tegerstrand.
Today's episode is a story about my dad and I
about the phone calls I almost didn't make,
and about how that simple choice became a doorway into something holy.
I didn’t even know that discipleship could look like learning how to speak
and listen in a new way.
But it did.
And in this episode, I want to talk about why we can't keep separating our spiritual growth from our relational lives.
I hope this reflection helps you think differently about discipleship
and maybe even about one relationship in your own life.
You're listening to Human Is a Verb, and this is Discipleship and the Distance Between Us.
There was a time when I only spoke to my dad through my mom.
And it felt really normal.
Even easier.
But looking back, I can see how it created distance
that I just didn't know how to cross.
Traditionally, especially in Evangelical spaces,
discipleship has focused on what we know:
Bible studies, Sunday school, small groups, daily devotions, and accountability partners.
These are important. They shape minds and build faith.
I don’t want to diminish their value.
But discipleship has often leaned too far into information
and not enough into formation,
into what we believe rather than how we relate.
And that gap matters,
because it’s in our relationships that we’re often stretched the most.
That’s where the transformation happens—in relationship.
I remember the day I realized my dad was easier to talk to on the phone.
We all had our own phones by then. I was in grad school.
Something about the distance helped both of us settle.
On the phone, my dad was different.
He was less reactive and more open.
I had always let my mom carry messages between us,
but slowly, I started reaching out to him directly.
At first, it felt awkward. Unnatural. Risky.
But I kept calling.
In the Wesleyan tradition, my tradition,
we talk about holiness and sanctification.
Holiness means being wholly devoted to God,
and sanctification is the ongoing journey of becoming more like Christ.
But sometimes in our churches, holiness becomes an internal or personal ideal,
and we don’t talk enough about what that looks like in our everyday relationships.
What does it mean to be sanctified in how we speak to our spouse?
How we listen to a friend?
How we show up when a conversation gets hard?
If we are to be formed in the likeness of Christ,
then our discipleship has to include these everyday, messy, human interactions.
It has to include relationship skills because that’s where love gets lived.
I didn’t know it then,
but those calls to my dad were love-in-practice.
They were slow, clumsy steps toward a deeper connection.
And over time,
they became more than just updates or surface-level check-ins.
They became spaces where I heard his heart,
and where I felt mine soften.
That’s why I say: human is a verb.
We aren’t just human by default.
We’re invited to human-together
in ways that reflect God in us and among us.
This kind of holy humaning isn’t abstract.
It’s tangible.
It’s relational.
It takes work.
So what are the kinds of skills that helped change that relationship?
What are the skills we’re missing in our discipleship today?
Relational skills in spiritual formation include:
Empathic listening: hearing beyond words to the deeper need or feeling
Naming emotions: saying, “I feel hurt” or “I feel anxious” without blame or shutdown
Asking open, curious questions: inviting reflection and connection, not just correction
Making clean, clear requests: expressing needs without manipulating or demanding
Repairing ruptures: saying we’re sorry, owning our impact, and restoring trust when things go wrong
These aren’t just interpersonal skills.
They are sacred practices.
They are discipleship practices.
I practiced these without even realizing it.
Every time I chose to dial.
Every time I stayed in the conversation, even if I stumbled.
My dad wasn’t naturally a “phone guy,”
but he became one.
Because I called.
Because I tried.
Because he loved me and wanted to connect.
And in those calls,
we built something new.
Something holy.
Of course, it wasn’t easy.
There were moments I hung up and cried.
Times when old wounds surfaced.
Learning to speak directly, to listen well, to stay present—
it stretched me.
And that’s the thing about relational skills:
they don’t always feel rewarding in the moment.
Sometimes, they stir up pain.
Sometimes they’re exhausting.
And sometimes they don’t “work” right away.
It’s also possible to use the language without doing the heart work.
To sound gracious while avoiding vulnerability.
To use tools as protection instead of presence.
These practices have to be rooted in spiritual formation—not performance.
They have to be part of how we allow the Spirit to shape us.
Not just in prayer,
but in how we show up to the people God has given us to love.
Being the People of God on the Pathway to Peace
To be the people of God on the Pathway to Peace isn’t about getting all the answers right.
It’s about staying connected—even when it’s hard.
It means:
Staying in hard conversations
Choosing discomfort as a doorway to transformation
Building spiritual lives filled not only with Scripture and prayer,
but also with listening, repair, and relational courage
This isn’t extra credit.
This is the core of what it means to follow Jesus in a fractured world.
When Jesus prayed “that they may be one,”
he wasn’t praying for sameness.
He was praying for relational unity—
the kind that is forged in the fire of practice.
What if listening is a spiritual practice?
What if curiosity is a kind of worship?
What if learning to name what you feel is a sacred act of honesty?
What if offering a clean apology is holy?
A Sacred Invitation
The last season of phone calls with my dad changed me.
I heard his love for God.
I felt his love for me.
I learned to love him in a new way, too.
He passed in 2013,
but those calls are still alive in me.
They were a spiritual practice before I had the language for it.
They were discipleship.
So what’s one relational practice you might take up this week?
Is there someone you need to call?
Is there a conversation you’re avoiding?
A shift in how you speak, or listen, or show up?
Maybe it’s…
Choosing curiosity over defensiveness
Listening all the way through without interrupting
Naming your feelings without blame
Asking an honest question and waiting for the answer
Or offering a clean, quiet apology
You don’t have to get it perfect.
You just have to start.
One holy habit at a time.
Thanks for reading and/or listening.
If this resonated with you,
I invite you to subscribe and/or share this with someone you care about.
Maybe it’s someone you’ve been meaning to have a conversation with.
By subscribing, you’ll get more reflections like this on faith, communication, vocation, spiritual direction, artificial intelligence, and what it means to practice the sacred work of being human.
You can find me at humanisaverb.substack.com
and julenetegerstrand.com.
I’d love to hear your story.
Until next time—
Keep practicing.
Because love isn’t just what we believe.
It’s how we show up. Together. As human.
Spiritual Direction Prompts:
1. What relationship is stirring in your heart as you read or listen?
What might God be revealing to you about that connection?
2. How might you invite God's presence into that relationship today?
Not to fix it—but to be present to it. To listen. To tend.
3. What practice might you take up this week to nurture that relationship?
Is it a call? A pause before speaking? A small act of repair?
4. What do you need from God to stay present in this relationship?
Courage? Patience? Tenderness? Ask for that now.
5. What would holy love look like if it showed up between you—imperfectly, but honestly—in the next conversation?
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